Outward Cries for Upward Help

There are a lot of things I will never understand, especially this side of heaven. A lot of moments where I second-guessed the goodness of God or even where He was, and why he allowed this or that to happen.

But if I’m to take a brave, hindsight is 20-20, look at the past year and all that it held, I will never forget or question Who held me. 

Who held us. 

This…this was a year that broke our hearts and dented our spirits. A year that felt like we were trudging through the valley with mud-caked boots that made each step hard and heavy, hoping maybe there would be those mountaintop moments of bliss. But, once we made it to the top, there seemed to be a landslide colliding into more uncertainty.

Our lives are never promised and I understand that nothing is certain or ever constant. As the old adage says, “Nothing is consistent except change itself. 

There is no settling into this life or routine or thinking you finally have your Christian walk figured out.

This is no Instagramable walk with Jesus.

I have learned that my former goal of having it all together is no longer anything I will ever achieve.

Quite frankly, I’m a mess. But I’m a mess with a message. 

As corny as that sounds, it’s true, and I will live and write words with that in mind because I just can’t get away from the fact that God is so incredibly kind to me in the midst of my mess. 

I believe that if I’m this imperfect mess of a woman, maybe someone out there can relate, or perhaps can agree that life is just hard sometimes and we just really need the love of a father who is ready to rescue and walk beside and stand behind us no matter how messy it gets. 

I do not deserve His faithfulness, friendship or communion, but here I am, His hand in mine. I know more now that God is faithful, patient and is actually, all the good things listed in the good book. 

How lucky am I, are we, to call him friend. 

All I had, at times, were outward cries for upward help. When my child was wayward, when all you want for them is Jesus but it seems to be the one thing they are running from. When all your efforts and unmet expectations leave you feeling empty and exhausted. When the judgements and opinions of strangers leave you feeling suffocated. All I could muster were outward cries for upward help. 

Life is a brutal teacher at times, harsh and uncaring. But He is not harsh. He is not a cruel God. He is one that sticks closer than a brother. 

An old hymn goes through my mind, “What a friend we have in Jesus. All our sins and griefs to bear….” The hymn continues with, “Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?”

(Jesus knows our every weakness. Take it to the Lord in prayer.) 

All I could do was pray.

This year taught me that hard days will come, but they do not stay. The hard stuff, the trials, the challenges of this life that make you feel like the air is being squeezed out of your lungs. The deep hurt is momentary. There are times you want to escape, maybe even run away.

Because of those trials, those outward cries, those nights that were long and dark and doubt was a heavy cloak around your already burdened shoulders. Because of the struggles…you grow. You grow your capacity, you grow in your understanding that what is greater, bigger and bolder, is the One who never leaves you. 

What is greater, is a father in heaven who sees each lonely night, every fight with your kid, every time you feel like you failed as a parent. Every moment you felt like you deserved that heavy cloak, he shows up with broader shoulders and stronger arms to carry the load. 

 He shows up in the midst of the mess.

On one hand I had faith, I had experience with God and I’ve seen His faithfulness. We have history, He and I.

This, however. When it came to my boy. The same boy I nursed and bathed as a baby, the one I held to my chest and was able to protect all those years ago. This felt different. This was unchartered territory.

This was a journey I never asked for.

My boy was no longer calling my name - he was running from me calling his.

This felt like my world was crushed and there was very little air to breathe. Fear surrounded and threatened our family. My faith felt claustrophobic. Fear was an unwanted and rude visitor overstaying its welcome. I asked it to leave, but it crept in and lingered in rooms and hallways and took up residence in the crevices of my heart.

We thought we were losing our boy. When he ran away from it all, our world became a slow-motion movie.

What I wish I could’ve grasped in those hours, as my outward cries for upward help were loud, as my tears fell on the cobblestone streets of Greece, with my boy so far away, when the unknown haunted my heart, was that in the midst God was still in control.

God knew the details of the story. 

God’s eye is on the sparrow, how much more on our boy? On us? My son would never be able to outrun his heavenly father. 

One thing that is evidently clear now, when he was lost that dark night when he was literally running as far as he could from us and God, when we didn’t know the outcome of the story. God knew. God saw. 

God knew the back country road he was on. God saw the ditch he slept in and the trees he hid behind. 

He didn’t want to be found, but he, in fact, was never lost.   

Wanting desperately to just get home to our boy, yet unable to have hands and feet on the ground, an army of friends and family did what we physically were unable to do. 

Search.

I’ll never not be grateful for everyone who searched.

The hours passed and as the sun turned to moon and a million footsteps later, he was found. 

A rush of relief flooded our balcony in Greece as we saw photos of our boy while we packed our bags and headed home.

Our boy couldn’t be lost, no matter how hard he tried. 

God was always beside him. This will be the story of his life. The story of your life.

God spoke loudly to my heart  as we journeyed  home,

“AS LONG AS THERE’S BREATH IN HIS LUNGS, THERE IS HOPE"

I will always cling to that. Those words will be an anchor for my soul.

I will put fear aside knowing that as long as there is breath in lungs, hope remains. 

So, may our story be an encouragement to you in yours.

Know that in any season:  the hard seasons, the exhausted seasons, the lonely seasons, the unfair ones, in the seasons that make you question His existence, know that He is beside you.

He will never leave you. He doesn’t know how to give up on you. He will give you people to surround you. People to search for you and in the darkest night of your life, He is there keeping you company. 

There is no situation too far gone for God. As long as there’s breath in lungs, there is hope.

There is no marriage too far failed. As long as there’s breath in lungs, there is hope.

There is no child too rebellious. As long as there’s breath in lungs, there is hope.

There is no dream dreamt too long. As long as there’s breath in lungs, there is hope.

There is no promise too old to be fulfilled. As long as there’s breath in lungs, there is hope.

Cling to it just like I am. Whisper it just like God did to me.

Because with God, there is hope.

Because with God, there is no expiration date.

Because with God, families become whole. 

Because with God, nothing is lost.

Because God brings boys back home. 

He is the upward help for those outward cries. 

Love you,

MM